the most ridiculous questions of all time include (but are not limited to):

how much does it take to get you to forgive me?!

a simple $50 bill would cover it quite nicely. alternately, if your cash provisions are lacking, various other sources of bribery are usually also accepted, such as cocaine, scotch, and black sports cars with full tanks of gas.

are you going to me mad at me all night? :(

first of all, why do you need to define my mood as "mad"? perhaps i am merely avoiding your wrath as quietly as i can. just because there is something off about you, or the way you project yourself into this world, doesn't mean that you need to paste labels onto my meditative state. second of all, if, theoretically, i were in a grumpy mood, do you think i'd plan these things? do you plan YOUR grumpy moods? hmmm.. 6:00 pm now.. that means i can afford to be grumpy till 9, drink till 1, and be in bed by 3. great! my daily quota of anger fullfilled. thirdly, yes, actually. yes i am.

are you ever going to let me in?

mm, only when you're fucking me.

well why do you write that shit on your blog if you don't fucking want people to read it and take it seriously?!

lol.

but.. are you really happy?

just because you wouldn't be happy living a life without rapacious consumerism, a fullfillingly normal heterosexual relationship, and a degree in something completely fucking irrelevent, doesn't mean that i'm not. cheers to your blatant blunders my friend.